Monday, March 29, 2010

what is "it?"

so, first, watch. second, daaaaaaaamn jay-z may have 99 problems but a bitch is NOT one. aaaaaaaaand i was about to finish this next sentence but the gay fish, kanye west, just barged in my room and demanded that i let you know that this music video is one of the best of all time........ ok, he just left, but only after i conceded that he was THE voice of this generation. but now to the matter more pertinent to my post. i refer you to the chorus of beyonce's song that is ironically sung more by middle aged housewives at scrapbooking fairs than any un-married ladies.

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it /
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it /
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it /
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

i have been doing mental gymnastics to figure out what in the world "it" is, because no matter which way you slice it, it's mildly if not downright offensive. here of some of my guesses:

1. it = ring finger
naturally, this is where my mind first went. but wait, you just like her ring finger? are we supposed to be gollum? is beyonce's ring the one ring to rule them all and she is just trying to trick us to put it on her finger? will i want to bite her finger off in a volcano?... seems ridiculous but i promise you i have thought of these possibilities. her sasha fierce glove is pretty entrancing and that ring she is shining, $5 million bones. "it" could, in fact, be her fourth phalange.

2. it = her (her being any single lady)
this choice seems the most logical. you would be putting the ring on her as a woman. so far, so good. but wait, beyonce refers to women in general as "its?" whoa whoa whoa, hold on a second, really? picture this, you are dating someone to the point that you are considering marriage (aka "putting a ring on it"). your friend, whom has never met your significant other, asks which girl is the one you are planning on proposing to. you then point to her and say "that's it over there." if she overhears this, there will at the very least be an embargo on imported/exported physicality if not an indefinite period of radio silence between the two of you. in short, there is no situation in which any woman would enjoy being referred to as an it. this falls into the downright offensive category.

3. it = vagina/sexual organs
before you call me perverse, listen, beyonce says if you liked "it." this is the only thing that i could come up with that a man would like on a woman that he would refer to as an "it." try and come up with something else! it's possible to put a ring on this "it" but i'm pretty sure that is not what beyonce meant but that hip shake at 0:53 in the video might suggest otherwise.

it is at this point that i am in a pickle and am beckoning for the help of those who read my idle ramblings. please help me elucidate the riddle of "it."

so, what is "it?"